Why You Keep Going Back to Food Rules (Even Though They’re Stopping You From Living Fully)
You tell yourself this time will be different. You’ve downloaded the meal plan. You’ve cut out the foods that feel too scary. You’ve promised yourself more control, more willpower, more discipline.
But deep down… you already know how this ends.
The cycle always looks the same: you follow the rules, feel “in control” for a while—maybe even proud of yourself. But then your body pushes back. Hunger creeps in. Cravings take over. You start questioning everything.
And when the food rules crumble (because they always do), the guilt, the frustration, the shame come flooding back.
You wonder why you can’t just get it right. Why do the rules never seem to stick? You ask yourself, “What is wrong with me?”.
But the truth is, you don’t need to be fixed. No matter what the dominant narrative about health and bodies wants you to believe.
If food rules have left you feeling stuck, disconnected, and unable to enjoy life fully, you’re not alone. And there’s a reason this keeps happening, even when you know the rules aren’t working.
There’s a reason you keep coming back to those food rules. The structure they bring has likely been your armour and your way of coping. But they’re not the only way. Whether you're navigating diet culture or unspoken disordered eating, this blog unpacks why the rules feel so needed and how to begin loosening their grip without losing yourself.
So if you’ve been wondering why the rules feel so hard to let go of, here’s what I’ll be breaking down:
Why food rules feel safe (even when they’re draining the joy out of life)
How diet culture disconnects you from your body and your roots
What’s really behind the fear of letting go
The cost of clinging to control
What it means to find safety without strict rules
Let’s look at this together.
Why Food Rules Feel Safer Than Freedom
For many of the people I support, food rules feel like a safety net. Even when those same rules are draining the joy out of life.
Maybe you can relate.
Perhaps the thought of letting go of your rules makes you uneasy. Like, without them, you’ll spiral. That rules equal control, and letting go means unpredictable chaos.
You’re not alone if that resonates, by the way.
When life feels chaotic or uncertain, food rules can feel like the only thing you can control. They offer predictability and familiarity, even if they strip you of joy and spontaneity.
Food rules disconnect you from your body in a way that can feel protective. If tuning into your body means facing uncomfortable sensations and emotions, following an external set of rules feels safer. Especially if you’ve learned not to trust your body or believe it’s working against you.
But it comes at a cost.
Missed connections. Social events are laced with anxiety. Joy is replaced with constant mental calculations. It feels safe, but it also keeps your world small.
Eventually, that sense of predictability fades. And you’re left feeling like your life is being run by a voice in your head. A voice that demands more and more. A voice you can never please.
How Diet Culture Disconnects You From Your Body
Diet culture thrives on this disconnection. It convinces you that someone else, an influencer, a meal plan, a tracker, knows your body better than you do.
It reduces food to numbers. Disregards your preferences. Erases your joy. And often labels your cultural foods as “unhealthy” or “bad.” It doesn’t just tell you what to eat, but when and how much, whilst ignoring your body’s signals for hunger, satisfaction, and fullness.
Over time, you lose trust in your body’s signals.
You question your hunger: “I followed the plan so why am I still hungry?”
You fear fullness, doing everything you can to stay below a certain level.
You doubt your ability to nourish yourself without a set of rules.
Escaping this diet culture’s mentality isn’t easy, because it’s everywhere.
But recognising that you’re not the problem, the culture that equates worth with thinness is, is the beginning of change.
And that disconnection doesn’t just apply to your body. For many, it also severs ties to their cultural identity. That was certainly part of my journey. A lot of my Caribbean favourites were on the “avoid” list.
So I stopped eating them altogether.
Meals tied to memory, joy, and identity were suddenly labelled “wrong” by someone who decided that their way of eating wasn’t just a diet — it was a way of life.
The Real Reason Letting Go of Food Rules Feels So Scary
Many people fear that letting go of food rules means losing control. But what’s often missed is this: rigid rules aren’t real control.
When you reclaim autonomy around food and your body, you no longer need rigidity to feel safe.
The process of getting there can be messy. It might involve:
Getting comfortable with feeling nourished
Revisiting foods you love but feared
Meeting your hunger instead of suppressing it
It’s not perfect and it’s not supposed to be. It’s a process of trial and error, not perfection. You’re learning what truly feels supportive for you.
And then there’s the fear of body changes. Fear of gaining weight. Of being judged. Of losing the comfort of thin privilege. These are all valid fears. We live in a world that places great value on appearance, and human beings are wired to crave acceptance.
So yes, those fears are real.
But are food rules truly protecting you from them? Or are they keeping you stuck in exhaustion, restriction, and disconnection?
You can move slowly. Let your nervous system catch up. Let your beliefs and body catch up. The unknown is scary but so is staying stuck forever.
What Food Freedom Actually Looks Like
Letting go of food rules doesn’t mean chaos.
It means small, steady shifts that lead to real food freedom.
This might mean:
Eating breakfast later
Saying yes to spontaneous plans
Noticing joy in meals again
Feeling anxious but not letting that stop you from going out
No longer fearing hunger or fullness
Food is no longer the only tool you have to cope.
You start creating structure rooted in care, not control. You build other tools; emotional regulation, self-soothing, nervous system awareness. And as food fears shrink, life expands.
You have more energy. More brain space. Less anxiety. More capacity to take risks and pursue joy.
And yes, fear might still show up.
That’s normal.
But fear doesn’t mean failure. It means you’re stepping into unfamiliar territory.
Fear can come along for the ride, but it’s not in the driver’s seat anymore. It’s in the back seat. Way back.
How to Start Letting Go (Without Losing Control)
Food rules aren’t the only way to cope; they’ve just been the most familiar.
If you’re thinking, “I can’t imagine a future without them,” that’s okay. You don’t need to visualise the entire journey.
Just knowing you don’t want to spend your life analysing every bite is enough to take one small, safe step.
This is slow work because we’re healing, not fixing.
We’re unwinding beliefs. Letting go of perfectionism. Learning that discomfort doesn’t always mean danger.
As food stops dominating your headspace, life has room to grow. You’ll still face hard days. Life won’t be perfect.
But those food rules?
They’ll no longer be the first thing you think about in the morning or the last thing before bed.
What’s Next?
I'm putting the finishing touches on something new. My workshop “Letting Go of Food Rules (Without Losing Control): 3 Small Shifts to Nourish Yourself and Feel at Home in Your Body” will be finalised in August 2025.
In the meantime, here are some journal prompts to help you sit with what’s surfaced here.
Journal Prompts: Reflecting on the Role of Food Rules
These prompts are an invitation to be compassionately curious about what’s been keeping you safe and what it might be costing you.
What do your food rules give you? Emotionally, mentally, or physically? What feels safer or more manageable because they exist?
(Explore what your rules are helping you cope with)What do your food rules stop you from experiencing, expressing, or enjoying?
(Think about things like connection, spontaneity, joy, rest, or emotional presence)When you imagine keeping your food rules exactly as they are for the next 5, 10, or 20 years, how does that feel in your body?
(Notice where the tension or resistance sits. We don’t need to rush to fix this. We’re just staying present with the reality of it).Have there been any moments (even tiny ones) where you felt more relaxed, open, or free around food? What was different in those moments?
(Sometimes freedom is already peeking through)If your body or future self could speak to you about the life they’re craving, what might they say?
(You don’t need to know the whole picture. Just write, draw or speak what comes to mind)
