5 Ways Restrictive Eating Can Spill Into the Rest of Your Life
Restriction is a food behaviour that many people with food struggles find difficult to let go of. It’s wrapped up with so much morality; restriction feels like they’re being “good”. It helps a person disconnect from their body’s cues, their feelings, and discomfort. And in many ways, some people feel like their ability to restrict feels somewhat like a superpower. Whilst I’ve never been a huge fan of the phrase “you are what you eat”, I have seen how a person's relationship with food can mirror how they show up in life. Food restriction takes up a lot of headspace. It goes way beyond what you put on your plate, as it forces you into a rigid structure that leaves little room for joy, connection and spontaneity.
In this blog, we’ll explore:
how restriction can change how safe it feels to be seen
how it can create distance in your relationships
how it can shape the way you experience and express emotions
how it can affect what you feel able to spend on yourself
how it can dampen creativity and joy
How restriction can change how safe it feels to be seen
There is this paradoxical experience that comes with restriction: not wanting to be seen and feeling disappointed when feeling unseen. On the one hand, making yourself smaller feels like you’re unburdening those around you and making yourself more palatable so that you can feel more accepted. Yet on the other hand, you’re feeling alone in your struggles as you end another day feeling exhausted from pretending to be okay.
There is this belief that if I make myself small, I’ll be okay.
Granted, restriction is doing something for you; otherwise you wouldn’t do it. But its effects are short-lived, and they don’t resolve the underlying feelings of shame. You still battle with that inner critical voice. Even if you have managed to lose weight in the process, you’re constantly body-checking in fear that something might change.
The reality is, you do not feel safe at all. Restriction numbs and soothes, but it also fuels your fears.
How restriction can affect your relationships
When I was in the most restrictive phase of my own disordered eating, I remember longing to be more authentic. It just felt like I was constantly faking being okay. I was the life and soul of the party, yet I knew that as soon as the party was over I’d have to get back to my diet and exercise routine. I could be laughing with you one minute, then be in the toilets body checking in the full-length mirror the next.
The only reason I could even attend the social event was that I knew I had done everything in my power to “look good” for it in the run-up. And that pre-event restriction permitted me to eat whatever I wanted because I “earned” it.
Perhaps some of that will resonate.
Or maybe you go the other way and avoid social events whenever possible. You say no to meals out because there is nothing on the menu that fits in with your food rules. You’d rather be at home where you feel you have full control over the food. Or when you do attend a celebration or social event that involves food, you’re not 100% present because you’re silently panicking about the food.
Restriction can really take its toll on your relationships with those closest to you. Maybe most of your friends haven’t noticed. Or at least, they don’t know the full extent of your food struggles. But those closest to you will at some point experience the full impact of what restriction can do. Whether it’s how distressed you can feel when what your eating feels out of your control, or your restriction is creating a chasm between you and your loved ones. They watch you withdraw into your own thoughts, feeling at a loss with how to support you and sometimes being at the brunt of your frustrations.
Restriction has done such a good job in disconnecting you; you’re struggling to connect to and communicate your needs. On top of that, being vulnerable feels scary; it feels safer to keep the wall of restriction up. Even when there’s a part of you screaming that it wishes someone understood.
Ultimately, moments of joy and connection become stressful. Restriction sold you the lie that eating less would make life easier, but instead it has disconnected you from everything and everyone. And in that loneliness, that harsh voice in your head can start to sound like the only friend who understands you.
How restriction can disconnect you from your emotions
It’s not just those close to you who are shut out from your emotions; there are certain emotions that you also keep hidden away from yourself. Restriction can sometimes show up as only letting yourself feel the emotions that are "acceptable". That could be because you have never had a safe space to show the full spectrum of your emotions or because certain emotions feel all-consuming.
The most common ones I hear are anger and sadness.
Anger gets bottled up and turned inwards as you punish yourself instead of the external source of your anger. Or it spills out sideways as a result of an incident that was merely the straw that broke the camel’s back.
And sadness?
The message of “cry and I’ll give you something to cry for” or just living in a “turn that frown upside down" home meant that you cannot connect to sadness. But unresolved sadness doesn't just disappear. Like anger, it can unmute itself. Next thing you know, you’re crying from what I can only describe as the depths of your soul. That cathartic cry that 100% needs a nap afterwards.
That pendulum-swing from feeling nothing to feeling it, in fact, super feeling it, can put you off wanting to connect to those emotions again. So back in the restriction box they go…Until the next time they break free.
What emotions do you notice you push down?
How restriction can affect the way you spend on yourself
Spending on yourself can feel like it needs to be earned or that you are undeserving of it. You may find yourself endlessly wandering around the food aisles looking at food you like, but don’t give yourself the permission to buy. In a less food-related way, it can be not buying new clothes that actually fit and feel good on your body right now. Or even not spending money on the support and resources that support your mental and physical wellbeing. Or even buying little things that bring you joy. Things like a new book, some tickets to a show, or some craft supplies.
In fact, that brings me onto my next point!
How restriction can dampen your creativity
A mind and body stuck in survival mode is wired to look for danger. This leaves little energy for your creative endeavours. Those things you used to enjoy doing once upon a time. Playing an instrument, horse riding, acting, dancing, painting, sewing…They all feel a bit meh and out of reach. You’re stuck in a sort of catch-22 situation where engaging with these activities can actually help soothe you, yet you’re unable to find the will to do so. The key here, and with many things in recovery, is to start where you are and build on it slowly.
Recovery Isn’t Just About Letting Go of Restriction
I find the biggest fears around letting go of restriction is the loss of feeling safe, the worry of body changes, and the loss of control. Whilst I would never invalidate those fears, what gets forgotten is how short-lived the relief someone gets from restriction is. But the impact it has on life is long-lasting, and it goes way beyond your plate. Recovery isn’t just about eradicating food rules and letting go of disordered eating and exercise habits. That’s just one half. The other half is building new ways to cope, new ways to self-soothe, and building capacity to tolerate what feels intolerable.
